Are You Running Out Of Time?

Posted on May 18, 2013 by

Shepherd gate clock at the Royal Observatory, ...

Shepherd gate clock at the Royal Observatory, Greenwich, UK. At 14:05:42 (02:05:42 pm)  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was Friday when I first wrote this, it is still Friday in some parts of the world.  2 days weekend coming up to catch up, clean up, upkeep, maintain, create a whole heap of stuff and come Monday not regret that I have run out of time to do everything that I wanted to do.

Can I run out of time?

Time is impartial and dishes out the exact same amount to every single person on this earth and yet there is not a single person on this planet, at least in the First world countries who doesn’t seem to have enough of it and always running out of it.

Seriously, can we run out of time?  Can we make time? Why do we slice and dice time?

I want to write, paint, visit friends, go movies, laze around, window shop, go for drives, picnics in between cleaning, cooking, washing and gardening, I tell myself I have to make time as though I have a giant machine at my disposal that creates extra hands on the face of the clock and creates numbers magically beyond 12 — 15, 16 or even 24.  Sometimes I say I need 48 hrs in a day.

Time…..who said it has to be 24 hrs neatly sliced into two halves or four quarters and do something to fit in between those hands that move from 3 to 6 or from 6 to 12.  I feel terribly smug and productive when I can slice it up neatly and fill those slices with lavish servings of my doings – 15 minutes cleaning – GO; 30 minutes writing – GO, etc., Somehow, tasks set to a timer give a sense of urgency and however much done in that window makes me feel productive and worthy.  I have spent my time well.

There are any number of tips floating around on how to manage time.  Yes, when we cannot produce more, we have to manage what we have.  As I am writing this, my eyes are shooting glances at the clock on the wall,  a rush of adrenaline as the hand is reaching its marked destination, my pen is scribbling faster.

Does a deliberate planned sense of urgency makes one move forward and get creative?  Not sure about ‘creative’ or the quality of work produced, but volume of work certainly be more than when there is no planned urgency.

Time is the same – 24 hrs in a day, 7 days in a week, 365 days in a year and yet, some feel it going fast and some find it is not moving.  Is it that the clock works differently for each person?  For the same person, the clock runs differently at different times too.  So, to say “I have NO Time” is an illusion is it not? And to feel stressed, worried, anxious, pushed, pulled, rushed as a result – is it time’s fault?

Then there is the concept of ‘idle time’, ‘down time’, when I am not supposed to be doing anything and that’s good for me.  Am I really not doing anything when I am on ‘down time’?  I am breathing – that is doing. My internal organs don’t stop when I am on idle – heart still beats and bladder still gets filled,  my hands will be moving stroking, scratching, pulling, my head will be filled, rushing, pausing briefly in between the rushes, shaking, nodding absently, mouth can be smiling or burrow can be scrunched – and I am on ‘Down Time’.

Has time stopped for me or am I stopping for it – really, am I stopping at all?

I am not sure where I am going with this but time is ticking and the sense of urgency to finish this piece of writing (as crappy as it is) and to move on to the next task for the allotted hour is becoming a great rush.

I am trying to articulate that which is not linear.  I am trying to straight line a circle that loops onto itself and that’s when I hit a snag.  Can I straighten an infinitely wound circle?  Would my rushed mind understand the gentle laps that my heart wants to take? The stories we tell walking around that circumference are similar aren’t they?

I can go round and round in a straight line and decide if I am productive or not, or I can go beyond the artificially created linear dictates of time and enjoy the ride on a giant circle that is moving fast or slow – depends….

It  means I have a choice to just BE where I am on that circle, fully and completely present for that moment, knowing that the past and future are winding onto the Now and that Now is what determines the result of the moment gone or the effect of the moment coming.

What do you think? Is Time an issue for you or not?

Would love to hear your perspectives. Please leave a comment or two, right now or a bit later when you have – well, you know, more time?

Until next time (there it is the word again)

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

 

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A Simple Process for Peace of Mind……

Posted on May 10, 2013 by

Good morning, turquoise swami!

Good morning, turquoise swami! (Photo credit: psd)

Every morning I open my journal, put the day, date and time on the right hand corner, and start my reflective communion with the Divine within myself – “Good Morning Swami” on the left hand corner. What starts out as  deliberately neat, legible hand writing soon becomes tight small scribbles that even I can’t decipher, as my mind opens at the nib of the pen onto the paper directly without much involvement of mine.  Some call this “Morning Pages”, some call this “Journal”, others call it “Streaming Consciousness” – whatever the name, mostly what comes out, at least lately, is repetitive, self bashing of not doing enough or not having executed on promises made to myself.

However, when I first started 20 years ago, what poured out of the pen were hurts caused by others, little or big; amused observations more as judgments of other people’s behaviors; grief, anger, worry, guilt, shame – not necessarily in that order – my mind overflowed and broke its banks and wet the paper with its black or blue flood waters swirling, crawling, circling – page after page.  The ranting would stop after a few pages as the river behind the dam is emptied, ready to receive fresh rain of life only to be emptied again the next day.

This is something many people do and the process for each one is different. If I go back and read 20 years stack of books, probably my life, however boring and repetitive it might be, will open giving insights and gems of wisdom through those spilled thoughts.

Am I scared that others might read them? I used to be.  Not any more.  The journal pages are the story of how my life has been influenced, changed, modeled and modified by others, myself included.  If those observations create feelings of discomfort in others, that is their choice.  By the way, arriving at this juncture of fearless expression also is the result of regular writing.

Why do I and many like me do this every morning, just about, without fail?  This question made me reflect deeply.

I have noticed that giving vent to mind to blow open and let it steam out on to the paper, made it into an empty vessel to be open and receive life each day freshly without preconceived judgments and ideas. This process keeps my head and heart light as they don’t have the need to dwell into their stories constantly.

As a result, I have now entered into a stage called “Choiceless Awareness”, allowing me to accept good and bad equally. Yes, the stones that are thrown randomly do cause turbulence, but the ripples are only small and the stones sink quickly washed off their dirt and sit at the bottom of the lake gleaming and shining their lessons to me.

The daily process of journal writing made me own myself with all the faults and failings and there are many many layers of them.

I don’t know fully what ‘Unconditional Love’ means, nor do I know how to fully love without duty, but as my awareness grew enough, what I realize is that there is no need for me to be opinionated and judgmental .

“Every action is perfectly justifiable by the Actor, whether it is philanthropic, mundane or murderous.”  Every one (including an ax murderer) has a perfectly justifiable reasoning behind their actions, given their circumstances. Daily peeling of the layers of my mind onto paper allows me to live in this Choice Less Awareness that my duty is to condone or condemn the ACTION only, not the ACTOR.

Choice less Awareness means Ownership of Self and Acceptance of Others with all our failings and successes, and is a moment to moment, day to day process.  That is a start to create peace and love within, whilst all hell is breaking lose outside that perimeter.

Choice Less Awareness keeps me porous and yet stops reverse osmosis.  I am able to allow my presence pour into my surrounds.

Choice Less Awareness grounds and regulates my breath, brings me out of the turbulence quicker and faster.

If a simple 30 minutes investment of daily writing keeps me away from therapy, doctors and illness, why wouldn’t I want to invest in that?

Try it – you will be amazed.  It will feel artificial initially. You resist writing down as fear clouds you -

  • Fear that you may hurt others or hurt yourself,
  • Fear of being honest with yourself,
  • Fear of having to justify your actions, thoughts,
  • Fear that you would be ridiculed, blamed
  • Fear that your are wasting time,

All the fears that form the top solid layer will play with you and you literally have to continue to poke holes with your pen to let them spill out.  As layers of the mind are peeled, you will find a sense of peace descending on you even through the clouds of pain and suffering.

I sincerely urge you all to try this.  Get up 15 minutes early if you have to.  Before the world drowns you streaming through 15″ of glass via emails, facebook etc., empty your dam of built up debris.  You owe it to yourself.  We all do.  The world is drowning of enough debris without us having to contribute to it.

Peaceful mind through Choice Less Awareness happens faster through the process of journal writing.

So, get a notebook and a pen and give yourself the gift of Peace of Mind that you deserve.  Start writing a Journal.

What do you think? Is it that simple….Let me know.

Until next time

with Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

 

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“I Am Hungry…..Are You?”

Posted on May 4, 2013 by

Kreishaus in Gummersbach

Kreishaus in Gummersbach (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is a poem that I wrote last week.  After many many drafts, I am still not sure if it  conveys what I feel or if it meets the rules of poetry – but here it is anyway.

Does this kind of hunger gnaw at you night and day, that there is something more to be done than what we do, something more to be than what we already are….

Please share what you think…

I am hungry

To know,

To embrace,

To break rules,

To travel,

To do more—

Something,

Anything,

Except stand in

A Revolving Door.

I am hungry

To be

A writer,

An artist,

A teacher,

A love

That does

Something,

Anything,

To help

        Keep Minds from

Revolving doors.

Between the dots of

‘To Know’ and

‘To Be’

Is a swinging pendulum

Hungry to remain

Still..

In a space where

Creation and Transcendence

Dance together

On washing beaches.

 

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

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Who Is The Master Mind Behind Your Life?

Posted on April 25, 2013 by

Sai Baba

Sai Baba (Photo credit: Raios de Luz – Gláucia Góes)

Did you ever think of that? Who influences you in your decisions? What is the moral fabric on which you write your story?

I would like to share mine here.  This story is my spiritual journey so far in a nutshell and I am attempting to pay homage to a larger than life phenomenon who has directly affected my life and transformed me.  I know that my words would fail to convey my feelings and yet I have to try, because through that trying I reinforce what I feel and give shape to it.

It has been two years that a Loving Divinity in the form of Sathya Sai Baba walked on this earth physically for 85 years.  His clarion call to “Love all, Serve All; Help Ever, Hurt Never” reverberated from a tiny hamlet of Puttaparthi in South India – a dot that was not on the world map until recently, a village so remote once upon a time, that access to it was through many means of transportation including a walk through the sands of Chitravathi River.

That call to Love that started 73 years ago when He was a mere lad of 14 now has spread through just about every country in the world, touching millions of people directly and indirectly.

I heard that call 3 times before I took serious note of it, once in 1969, once in 1983 and finally in 1993.

November 1969 – A Friday evening, a quiet street in Red Hills, Hyderabad, India.  An evening of regular devotional singing at a retired Judge’s house; a nine year old girl led the bhajan “Hara Shiva Shankara” to a room full of packed young, old, middle aged men and women ecstatic in their collective expression of ritualistic worship paying tribute to their Gods.

A middle aged woman approached the 9yr old and asked if she attends Bal Vikas classes.  The girl never heard of that name before and she was told that is a weekly class for young children to learn new devotional songs and stories about God.

Coming from an Orthodox Hindu Brahmin family where worship of Lord Shiva is as normal and spontaneous as breathing, the girl eagerly nodded agreement which meant a 5km walk each way every Sunday afternoon come rain, hail or shine for the next 4 years.

As life took over, the central figure of Bal Vikas classes faded into background and the girl grew up to get married and lead the dutiful life of a good daughter-in-law and wife – in that order.  Religious worship was still a strong driver in the girl’s life, but this time in the in-law’s house the worshiped deity is not Lord Shiva but the Living Lord Sathya Sai Baba.  The girl was only a respectful observer from a distance with no close personal attachment or ties to this Lord.  She heard the exciting stories narrated by her mother-in-law with half an ear.

February 1984 – 6 months pregnant with her first child, the girl, one day saw Sai Baba in her dream.  He came, stood in front of her and said “Anandam, Anandam, Nityanandam, Brahmanandam; Omkaram Para Brahma Swaroopam” – loosely translated it was about Supreme Bliss and ‘Om’ the ultimate embodiment of Divinity.

The girl woke up startled at the dream so vivid and real, turned to her mother-in-law for guidance but was brushed off with a comment that it wasn’t easy to dream about Sai Baba.  Confused at the comment, perplexed at the seeming reality of the dream and not having any answers or further guidance, the girl moved on with life but never forgot the dream or what was said in the dream.

That was the second clarion call beckoning to follow the ‘Living Love’ walking this earth on its mission to show and tell what Love is all about.

Fast forward to May 1993 – life brought the girl to Australia for a better future but unbeknown to her, the real force behind migration was the ‘Living Love’ trying to connect with her brought her here to reveal itself.

A little ad in the local paper caught the girl’s attention which read “Sathya Sai Baba bhajans on every Friday, call……. for info”. “Wow! I can take my mother-in-law for the bhajans, I like to sing as well and she will enjoy her weekly sessions that she misses so much” – were the thoughts running through the girl’s head as she drove her mother-in-law on a cold, dark, wet evening on a Friday in May.

There were a whole heap of books on Sai Baba.  The girl who likes to read picked up “Man of Miracles” and “Holy man and the Psychiatrist”.  The miracles of that Holy Psychiatrist have hit home hard and memories of the dream came flooding back as the girl realised the previous two callings from LOVE to love and patience with which that LOVE waited and repeated its call.

The girl was ready to receive it fully, openly and humbly, grateful to have found it, knowing that she will never fully understand or fathom its power but craving to be enveloped and anchored in its simplicity of living and loving the LOVE that is physically present in its form.

That LOVE showed a way to a Peaceful, Truthful living with Righteous Conduct that ultimately leads to Non-Violence in Thought, Word and Deed.

How can the girl ever pay homage to the LOVE that is pervading and patiently persuasive in its eagerness to show the way?

How can the girl pay homage to the LOVE that demonstrated tirelessly, without taking a break, for over 7 decades, what love is all about, ?

Is it possible even to think that she can understand or fathom the depths of that LOVE that shines purely in its simplicity and is brighter than a thousand suns?

Is it humanly possible to peer into the depths of those loving eyes that see everyone in their naked vulnerability and yet love them to their core?

Can she hide from a pervading force that is embedded in every cell and atom of everything that seem to operate from that Force?

No, it is not humanly possible for me to understand that.  So, I will not attempt to understand or analyse.  I will just allow myself to be enveloped in the arms of that Gentle LOVE with total acceptance and through that touch I will come to know that LOVE enveloping me is already in me and is not separate from me.  It is in me, around me, in front and back, above and below, always in all ways.

When I understand this, I have understood the LOVE that walked this earth even though no longer physically present in  a form, is very much present in all the deep recesses of every living atom that is being guided and driven by it.

I pay homage to that LOVE which physically embodied as Sathya Sai Baba and walked on this earth to show and tell what loving is all about, what life is and to wake up and recognise that I am that LOVE, You are that LOVE, we all are that LOVE which manifests in a variety of colors, forms, shapes, sizes, smells and tastes, so we all can enjoy its varied flavors.

I pay homage to Sathya Sai Baba who made it possible for us to recognise that, not only recognise but to live with LOVE as an anchor that moors us solid in the flowing waters of life so we can become a resting place for the restless passers by.

The ultimate homage I can pay to Him is to become that resting place as He is to me.  I can only do that if I become Love in Action like He showed through His life.

I can only do that if I make My Life HIS MESSAGE which is LOVE.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

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How Are You Feeling?

Posted on April 20, 2013 by

Hydraulics

Hydraulics (Photo credit: Dvortygirl)

Are you feeling angry, confused, overwhelmed, weighed down, closed and clamped shut?

Do you find it difficult to stay in Love when things in your control and outside your control start falling apart?

I go through that occasionally and when world events escalate, those feelings magnify even more.

With everything that happened in the last week world wide, the despair of unheard anguishes displayed in violent acts, I have two burning questions:

Why are we not listening to each other?  and

What do we need to do to remember who we are?

I don’t have an answer for the first question, but the second question can be addressed through a prayer.  So, I felt this urgent need to revive a poem that I wrote last year and here it goes.

Lift The Lid Of My Soul

As the pages of life turn

With tireless changing seasons,

As days roll into years

And life’s Hammer Blows

Sandstorms and

Tsunamis

shut the lid of my soul,

Help me remember

That the deep cracks and crevices

Carved by wind, water and grit

carry Your bubbles of Love -

A hydraulic pressure

to lift the lid of my soul

and reveal

its ravaged and blemished beauty.

 

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5 Ways To Bring Love Into Your Life – A Gift Offer

Posted on April 13, 2013 by

Love Love Love

Love Love Love (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

I have written this post for Christmas 2011.  The reason to re blog this is to offer a gift to all my readers so far, who actually grew in number recently.  Thank you for taking time to read and comment.  I really appreciate it. Read on and there is a gift to download

A year and a bit later, whether it is festive season or not, I have grown to believe that every day is a festival if we want to be.  The choice is ours.  If we dwell in our story and only look at the story taking wrong turns, then it will be hard to share the love.

There is a manifesto to download and it is yours for FREE.  Download it, print it, share it – do whatever –  your choice.  My only hope is that you like it and live it.

So here is the blog from Christmas 2011.

This  is the season of Joy, Fun, Friendship and Love.  A season to take stock on how our lives are travelling and to bring more of what we cherish. ‘ Love’ stands right there at the top of the list along with Truth, Peace, Right-Conduct and Non-Violence.

However what we find in today’s fast paced society is that these are the rapidly declining values.

We all agree that we need to slow down and bring back our attention to how we manifest what we truly are – Love

As it is said in the Bible

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Can we live up to that – Yes we can

Do we have the potential – Of course we do

Its just that our potential to love is covered under the many layers of soot of busyness, of trying to win the rat race, of selfishness, of greed, of jealousy, of envy, of anger, of hatred, of desire etc.,

When we blow this soot away gently with the winds of Truth and Right-Conduct , the embers of red hot Love will be visible underneath glowing in Peace and Non-Violence.

Want to know how to do this?

Get your free copy of ‘Manifesto of Love’ attached below and find out how Love is the undercurrent of all human values.  This is my thank you gift to you all for supporting me in this blogging adventure.  It was a learning experience and I am slowly getting a handle on how to write, how to blog and how to serve you all through this.

Manifesto of love

Wish you all Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hope 2012 brings you all the joy, happiness, health and wealth that you deserve.

I am sincerely hoping, wishing, desiring that I will be able to share a lot more with you through this blog.  I hope you do enjoy reading, if you do please subscribe.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

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Are You Doing Your DUTY???? Or…….

Posted on April 5, 2013 by

English: The inscription says: "Our holy ...

English: The inscription says: “Our holy obligation is to reach a helping hand to the brotherly peoples “. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is DUTY a loaded word for You? Do you ever ask that of yourself? Is that a question that ever plagues you?

It does me…

I constantly ask myself – ” Am I doing my duty?” “Am I doing my right duty?” Questions that poke me, make me reflect and agonize over sometimes.

Do you know what exactly “Duty” means?

Duty is derived from “Right-Conduct” which is a very lose translation of the Sanskrit word “Dharma”.  Duty is attached to every role we play in life.  I have a duty as a Daughter, Wife, Mother, Grand Mother, Friend, Employee, Employer, a Citizen – every role we play, every hat we wear comes with a set of terms and conditions relating to that role.

Duty is not limited to people.  Wetness is the duty of Water, Heat is the duty of Fire, and when those elements perform contrary to their duty – things start to go wrong.

Whilst Duty is a synonym for Obligation, Duty is more than Obligation.  Obligation can be externally imposed and Duty is intrinsic to our nature.

Performing my duty in an obligatory way can be devoid of love.  Anything done without love will soon become an obligation, an imposition, a chore that we come to resent. What would be the result of doing something out of resentment? I begin to regret my actions. It eats me and the  build up is hazardous for  my health and detrimental to the health of my surrounds.  

Sathya Sai Baba says,

“Duty without Love is deplorable;

Duty with Love is Human;

Love without Duty is Divine”

Now we all teeter between the first two statements, performing our duty with and without love.  We generally perform our duty with love when it comes to family and friends and perhaps even our jobs.  There are certain duties that we perform without love – cleaning in my case.

But what does it mean to Love without Duty?  

Is it possible to love something or someone knowing that we have no obligation to do so, knowing that we are not bound by duty to love?

How would that look? Would that be spontaneous actions? Would that be responding rather than reacting? Would Love without Duty show up as kindness, empathy, caring?

We can easily do those things with nature, animals and children. But when it comes to extending love without a duty to adults, we struggle.

Why is it easy to love a child or a puppy spontaneously without hesitation?

I think we can do that because we have no preconceived ideas about who they are other than what we see in front of us – little bundles of innocence, joy and purity and we get drawn to those qualities instantly.  Whereas when we come in front of adults our previous interactions are the first ones that jump into our minds before we even finished saying hello and those interactions color our greeting instantaneously.

We put people in pigeon holes and expect them to stay there, forgetting that people change all the time.  Our sense of security is threatened when a person acts differently to how we know them to be.

Those colored perceptions and judgments make us forget to look at the intrinsic beauty, innocence and purity of each human being.  

Result – at best we are polite or walk away, at worst we clash openly, with hostility. And of course, we regret later and agonize over our actions.

So how is Love without Duty possible?

Every time we come across somebody we picture them as a child, innocent and exuberant brimming with pure joy.  We deliberately not let our previous interactions color our perceptions in the moment.

It is very difficult to do that especially when we know we are wronged by someone.  Remembering that they are doing their ‘duty without love’ and therefore their actions are deplorable  will help in separating the person from the action.

If water catches fire, we put the fire out and move on, we don’t condemn water for its action.

Separating people from actions and labeling the actions help us to interact with love and compassion. It is a deliberate, constant and continuous practice.

Ultimately ‘Love without Duty’ is the only balm that would heal the wounds and the only obligation we have in order to create peace within us and in our society.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree?

Would love to hear your comments.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Simple Ways To Be Happy

Posted on March 29, 2013 by

Worry

Worry (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you rolling your eyes at the title? Probably….

Is this an overrated subject  - Perhaps…..

Does this sound like a formula – Sure…

Does it work – I think so, sorry, not think so, but I know so…

In a world that is so complicated, busy and overloaded with information, we need to make conscious efforts to not get carried away and lose our happiness and peace of mind. The Easter long weekend is a time to pause, reflect and consider the message of Christ.  Now, I am not a Christian and I don’t claim an authority on Christian Theology.  However, I do understand the simple message that Jesus had given to this world in how to live happily and peacefully.  As we all know, He was crucified today on Good Friday and He resurrected on Sunday.  Apologies to all Christians if I am not using the right words here, but in a nutshell, this is what I understand of Easter.

Whilst we know what Christ demonstrated through these acts, question remains, what personal message can we take from crucifixion and resurrection? How can we live that message daily?

What do we need to crucify and what do we need to resurrect?

We need to crucify our judgments, worries, anger, sadness, guilt, shame etc., all the negative qualities that bog us down and make us suffer.

Jesus demonstrated that we have infinite capacity to be compassionate and caring, that we are capable of forgiveness even as we are being wronged or badly done by, that we need not carry resentments.  Jesus demonstrated  that we are LOVE first and foremost and that all the other qualities that we struggle with are only acquired and can be shed like a worn garment -as easy as that.

We need to resurrect the qualities of Love, Truth, Right Conduct, Peace and Non-Violence that are inherent in us.

So on this Holy Good Friday and Easter what can we do to adopt the message of Christ?

Here is what we do….

Every time we hear a judgement coming, we say PASS;

 Every time we get angry, scared or worried, we say PASS;

Every time we look at something or someone, we say LOVE;                        

Every time we catch ourselves drifting into past or future, we say NOW;                  

Every time our brow is knitted, we say  CHEESE  & SMILE!!!!

If we did that each time, every time without fail, what is left but Peace and happiness?

Wouldn’t you agree that these are 5 simple ways that anchor us to the present time ?

Well, all good things in life are simple, we make things unnecessarily complicated.

What do you say? Agree or disagree – would love to know.  Please leave a comment.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

 

 

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Does It Matter How You Look?

Posted on March 9, 2013 by

Face.2

Face.2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After the International Women’s Day has come and gone, I am reeling with this question just as much as I was before the day.  I was a speaker at Women in Chamber’s luncheon, I was interviewed by ABC local radio, and I was a guest contributor on ABC Open ’s “What’s your Story?”  

I am suddenly pushed into a public arena that is far open and wide for my own comfort as I am not confident about my looks and dress sense.  These issues (like the photo in ABC Open’s story) rob me off my self-esteem slightly, well actually a lot.  I do say ‘Looks shouldn’t matter’ but I know they do for me even for a little while and I am sure they matter for majority of us.

I feel shy and nervous and inferior in new surroundings because I don’t have a perfect smile or my clothes are never suitable for the occasion.  Once my passion for life and practical understanding of people shines through I get back into my groove.  It is strange and I battle with that every day.  It goes to show saying these things is easy, actually following it through is the most difficult part.

I don’t believe there is a single person on this planet who is not happy about some aspect of how they look.  The feedback we get from each other when we first shake hands or make eye contact says a lot.   The unspoken words, the facial expressions, the body language –  creates a sense of self instantaneously.  In the presence of some people, one is not so self-conscious, where as in the presence of some other people, one feels uncomfortable instantaneously.  Are they perceived judgments by me or real thoughts of people that I can sense?

Acceptance is crucial to belonging. When we are thrown into new surroundings, unless we feel accepted instantly, we don’t feel comfortable.

There is no respect in judgment is there? When there is no Respect, there is no Acceptance and therefore no Love.

Respect only arises when we recognise and address the Love within.  Would that come with practice or spontaneously?

I am not raped, I don’t live in abject poverty, I am educated, I don’t have to struggle to establish my rightful presence, I don’t have fistula caused by genital mutilation, I don’t face a civil war, or guns or bombs on a daily basis, I live in a country where I can speak up and speak for, my freedom is not impeded, I don’t live in fear of survival, I don’t have to flee from every known comfort and surrounding to protect myself, I feel protected and I am protected, my family is safe,…..  When I enjoy so many privileges automatically, for which more than half the women population fight for on a daily basis, why am I concerned about how I look?

Concern about looks is a first world country’s artificially created dis-ease that keeps one self-centered and selfish.  If living in such comfortable surroundings that I expect to be my right to have, creates a broody artificial sense of insecurity and makes me a demanding consumer, how can I come to understand let alone respect the situation that I just described above faced by women and children around the world?

I poke my head out of my comfortable silo, cluck my tongue in sympathy, more laced with pity and throw a silent gratitude at the same time that I don’t have to face all that.  I then quickly bury my head into my silo and start looking inward and feel sorry for my lack of beautiful looks or wardrobe or the ideal body weight.

Would I honestly be able to stand face to face in front of a woman who is permanently disfigured because of acid thrown in her face to stop her from getting educated and see her beauty without cringing at the dis-figuration or feeling sorry for her state, whilst sighing with relief that I will never have to live like that?  Can I see her inner beauty shining through her burnt face or mangled body and treat her as equal?  Do women who suffer need my sympathy borne out of a supreme attitude?  How would Respect manifest in such a situation?

Our silent unspoken judgments of ourselves, of and by others, build layers of those silos and the more the layers, the less the inner light visible.  The silo itself can be a beautiful structure but if it is not lit from within, it will be lifeless.

Every time I think ‘I am not beautiful’, ‘I don’t photograph well’, ‘I don’t have good clothes’ etc.,  or ‘what is she wearing’, ‘look at her hair’ or ‘gosh! she is big’, or pass a complement that I mean exactly opposite of, (and there are people who do this constantly),  I am covering my inner light with layers of soot which thicken the walls of my silo.

We need to dismantle those dark sooty walls of negativity and judgment and let the inner light shine.

Sai Baba says - ‘You are three people – The One who You think You are, the One who Others think You are and the One that You Really Are”

So who is that real us – we are really Love inside.  We are a Love that underpins and manifests in our Thoughts as Truth, Feelings as Peace, Actions as Right Conduct and Understanding as Non-Violence.

I think I am not beautiful, others think I am inspirational. Both those statements are true, but who am I really?

Really –  I am, you are and we all are the light of Love that shines from within us.  How brightly that light shines depends on how much soot of negativity and judgments is covering it.

So does it matter how I look? No it doesn’t.  The only way I can live with that knowledge is if I draw strength from that inner light of Love rather than from opinions of myself by myself and others.

I don’t subscribe to the women’s magazines because they scream that looks do matter and at the same time run a token story of a mishap faced by a woman.  If we all collectively boycotted the media that constantly draws our attention to our inadequacies whether it be body weight or perfect smile, then our focus can be drawn onto who we actually are.

It is actually a great service if we all did that,  not just to us but to our future generations as well.  Let us take a pledge here that “Looks do not matter” and that “we will live in Love of ourselves and of each other”

Would you like to take that pledge?

Love to hear what you think – do looks matter to you?

Until next week

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

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What Can You ‘Give Up’ to ‘Gain’????

Posted on February 23, 2013 by

Possession Beach

Possession Beach (Photo credit: CalamityJon)

What do you define your life through?  What are some of the things that you place extreme importance on for living?

Do you focus on “Earnings, Possessions, Appearances, Celebrity/Fame” – if so you are suffering from “Affluenza Virus” as defined by Oliver James in his book titled the same.

Accordingly, exclusive focus on those four things results in :

  • Selfishness
  • Self-Centredness
  • Greed
  • Hoarding
  • Upward social comparisons
  • ‘Having’ as opposed to ‘Being’.

Is your lifestyle solely based on ‘Having’? If you 

  • suffer from Emptiness & Loneliness
  • are consumption driven
  • feel inadequate due to constant comparisons
  • try to fill an internal lack through external means
  • replace ‘needs’ by ‘wants’

then YES, you are living a lifestyle solely based on ‘Having’. The results of this lifestyle are well researched and documented.  They are

  • Continuous low key dissatisfaction & unhappiness
  • Extreme competitiveness, 
  • Short life span
  • Depression
  • Mental Illness
  • Suicide.

Result – compromises are made in meeting the four fundamental human needs of 

  • Belonging
  • Security
  • Authenticity
  • Autonomy.

This is what Oliver James’s book “Affluenza ” states.

If defining who you are through ‘earnings, possessions, lifestyle, celebrity, fame” etc., is making you depressed, how do you, rather how should you define yourself?  When can you be happy and fulfilled?  This is the fundamental question that drives us all – does it not?

Martin Seligman evolved his Authentic Happiness theory to “Well Being Theory” and termed it “Flourish” – which measures

  • Positive Emotions
  • Engagement
  • Relationships
  • Meaning
  • Accomplishments.

P E R M A

He said that increase in PERMA increases Flourishing.

How can we bring PERMA into our lives?

Sai Baba says – “Happiness lies in liking what you do, not in doing what you like.”

What does He mean by that? What happens to you when you LIKE what you HAVE to do?

  • There is NO resentment
  • You finish what you undertake despite obstacles
  • You have NO ill feelings towards work – of any nature.
  • You develop a ‘Spirit of Sacrifice’

What does Sacrifice mean – what are you giving up?

  • Time
  • Money
  • Resources
  • Expertise
  • Knowledge

But people who regularly contribute to charities also give up all the above.  People who go out of their way and help physically during times of natural disasters are sacrificing their time, expertise, resources etc., They give to Charity or do Charitable acts.  Is it the same as Sacrifice?  Is giving to Charity a sustainable long term and transformational process?  

Charity generally is short lived.  Once the crisis is passed and things are back to normal, you revert back to your lifestyle based on ‘Want’ and ‘Have’. Well most do…..

So why is Charity short lived?  Is there a difference between Charity and Sacrifice?

Charity  

  • Is driven by the urge to meet needs of others who are in distress
  • Is giving of money, time or energy for a good cause
  • Is generally short lived
  • Feels good but no real transformation is possible
  • Stems from ‘Sympathy’ not ‘Empathy’
  • Can create feelings of superiority
  • No equality in charity
  • has a ‘giver’ and a ‘receiver’ and can breed dependency.

Sacrifice as Sai Baba puts it is giving up of one’s bad traits and weaknesses.  He says –

“If sacrifice means just the giving up of hearth and home, many people will do it very easily.  Sacrifice means something  more than giving up wealth, gold, and material objects; evil qualities like hatred, jealousy, wrath and malice, which have become ingrained in us over many lifetimes, must be discarded as well.” (Sathya Sai Vahini, Ch 21: The Inner Inquiry)

So what are some of the qualifications for Sacrifice – what state of mind allows you to sacrifice without resentment?

By giving up your negative qualities of hatred, jeaolusy, wrath and malice, you are reoriented on a spiritual trajectory of personal development and selfless service.

Through selfless service you can gain

A Pure Heart that is                Positive 
Creates Loving                         Relationships
Through Charitable                 Engagements
with Attitudes that are           Meaningful
and achieve Selfless                 Accomplishments

Positive Relationship is required first and foremost with one self and with others in order to create Engagements that are Meaningful.   If the Relationship with Yourself is NOT Positive, you cannot Engage Meaningfully that can be sustainable.  Burnouts happen far too quickly as a result, hence Charity is often short lived and people revert back.  

A minor rearrangement of Martin Seligman’s PERMA to  PREMA (LOVE) means eliminating negative qualities as a Spirit of Sacrifice and undertaking Selfless Service.  Result is Self-Transformation.

Your Self Transformation helps create a new social reality steeped in PREMA (Love) where the ‘Spirit of Brotherhood of Man and Fatherhood of God’ is constantly demonstrated.

When you “Bear all and do nothing; Hear all and say nothing’; give all and take nothing; Serve all and Be nothing” you are living in Love. (Sai Baba)

Then as Vedas declare – You go from

(Vyakthi)            to                    (Samasthi)                  to               (Parameshthi)

i                            to                            WE                         to                          I

Selfishness           to                   Self-Sacrifice              to                Self-Realisation

If giving up negativity creates room to give with a spirit of sacrifice and gain a new social reality based on Love, wouldn’t you want to join in that?

What are the barriers between your declared values and your actual behaviour?

What are you going to Give UP to Gain a Society that is steeped in Love?

I have Given up Judgments and Upward Comparisons, I am actively in the process of Giving UP Self-Criticisms….

What would you like to Give Up?

Would love to hear….Leave comments either here or on Face Book

Until next week

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

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