It was Friday when I first wrote this, it is still Friday in some parts of the world. 2 days weekend coming up to catch up, clean up, upkeep, maintain, create a whole heap of stuff and come Monday not regret that I have run out of time to do everything that I wanted to do.
Can I run out of time?
Time is impartial and dishes out the exact same amount to every single person on this earth and yet there is not a single person on this planet, at least in the First world countries who doesn’t seem to have enough of it and always running out of it.
Seriously, can we run out of time? Can we make time? Why do we slice and dice time?
I want to write, paint, visit friends, go movies, laze around, window shop, go for drives, picnics in between cleaning, cooking, washing and gardening, I tell myself I have to make time as though I have a giant machine at my disposal that creates extra hands on the face of the clock and creates numbers magically beyond 12 — 15, 16 or even 24. Sometimes I say I need 48 hrs in a day.
Time…..who said it has to be 24 hrs neatly sliced into two halves or four quarters and do something to fit in between those hands that move from 3 to 6 or from 6 to 12. I feel terribly smug and productive when I can slice it up neatly and fill those slices with lavish servings of my doings – 15 minutes cleaning – GO; 30 minutes writing – GO, etc., Somehow, tasks set to a timer give a sense of urgency and however much done in that window makes me feel productive and worthy. I have spent my time well.
There are any number of tips floating around on how to manage time. Yes, when we cannot produce more, we have to manage what we have. As I am writing this, my eyes are shooting glances at the clock on the wall, a rush of adrenaline as the hand is reaching its marked destination, my pen is scribbling faster.
Does a deliberate planned sense of urgency makes one move forward and get creative? Not sure about ‘creative’ or the quality of work produced, but volume of work certainly be more than when there is no planned urgency.
Time is the same – 24 hrs in a day, 7 days in a week, 365 days in a year and yet, some feel it going fast and some find it is not moving. Is it that the clock works differently for each person? For the same person, the clock runs differently at different times too. So, to say “I have NO Time” is an illusion is it not? And to feel stressed, worried, anxious, pushed, pulled, rushed as a result – is it time’s fault?
Then there is the concept of ‘idle time’, ‘down time’, when I am not supposed to be doing anything and that’s good for me. Am I really not doing anything when I am on ‘down time’? I am breathing – that is doing. My internal organs don’t stop when I am on idle – heart still beats and bladder still gets filled, my hands will be moving stroking, scratching, pulling, my head will be filled, rushing, pausing briefly in between the rushes, shaking, nodding absently, mouth can be smiling or burrow can be scrunched – and I am on ‘Down Time’.
Has time stopped for me or am I stopping for it – really, am I stopping at all?
I am not sure where I am going with this but time is ticking and the sense of urgency to finish this piece of writing (as crappy as it is) and to move on to the next task for the allotted hour is becoming a great rush.
I am trying to articulate that which is not linear. I am trying to straight line a circle that loops onto itself and that’s when I hit a snag. Can I straighten an infinitely wound circle? Would my rushed mind understand the gentle laps that my heart wants to take? The stories we tell walking around that circumference are similar aren’t they?
I can go round and round in a straight line and decide if I am productive or not, or I can go beyond the artificially created linear dictates of time and enjoy the ride on a giant circle that is moving fast or slow – depends….
It means I have a choice to just BE where I am on that circle, fully and completely present for that moment, knowing that the past and future are winding onto the Now and that Now is what determines the result of the moment gone or the effect of the moment coming.
What do you think? Is Time an issue for you or not?
Would love to hear your perspectives. Please leave a comment or two, right now or a bit later when you have – well, you know, more time?
Until next time (there it is the word again)
With Love and Respect